Something has shifted in the relationship between schools and families, and it has not shifted in the direction of connection.

The padlocked gate is not a neutral architectural choice. It communicates something. It says that this space is ours, not yours. That you are welcome to hand your child over at the designated point and collect them at the designated point, and that what happens in between is not your business. Online parents evenings are efficient. They are also, in many cases, the final stage of a long process of removing families from the life of the school. Convenient for whom, exactly, and at what cost to the relationship that should sit at the centre of a child's education?

Schools are stressed. That is real and it is not a small thing. But stressed institutions have a tendency to locate the source of their stress outside themselves, and the most available external targets are children and their families. The child whose behaviour is difficult is the problem. The parent who asks questions is the problem. The family whose circumstances are complicated is the problem. The possibility that the environment the school has created might be contributing to the difficulty it is experiencing is not a comfortable one, and so it tends not to be explored.

Meanwhile, families who would come in to hear reading, to help with baking, to sit in on lessons and give their time to the school community, are not being invited. The gates are locked. The evenings are online. The message, whether it is intended or not, is that parents are a risk to be managed rather than a resource to be welcomed. And then the school is surprised when there is conflict. When parents are not engaged. When the relationship is adversarial rather than collaborative.

School is not a transaction. It is not a service that a family purchases and receives at a distance. It is a relationship, between a child, a family, and a community of adults who are collectively responsible for that child's development. Relationships require presence. They require doors that open. They require the willingness to let people in, which means accepting that when people come in, they will see things, ask questions, and occasionally disagree with what they find. That is not a threat. That is what a functioning relationship between a school and a family looks like.