"It's The Parents' Fault": How Schools Blame Families Instead of Fixing Systems
Aug 27, 2025
The Year 5 Child Who Named It
"Miss, school is like a jail."
A Year 5 girl said this during a StoryQuest workshop.
"We can't leave when we want. We have to ask permission to go to the toilet. We get punished if we don't follow the rules. We eat in a canteen. We line up to move around. We're told when to sit, when to stand, when to talk, when to be quiet."
"And when we tell our parents, you make out it's their fault we don't want to be here."
That child saw what adults had normalised.
School had become a prison.
And when children resisted the prison environment, schools blamed parents.
The Blame Game Schools Play
When children disengage, schools have a ready list of excuses:
"The home environment doesn't support learning."
Translation: Parents aren't doing enough. Not our responsibility.
"Parents don't read with them at home."
Translation: If only parents worked harder, children would engage with our boring curriculum.
"Inconsistent boundaries at home."
Translation: Parents aren't parenting properly. That's why their child won't comply with our rules.
"Parents don't prioritise education."
Translation: Parents are the problem. We're doing everything right.
Notice the pattern?
The school environment is never questioned.
The teaching methods are never examined.
The curriculum is never considered.
It's always the parents' fault.
What Parents See From Outside the Gates
Parents stand at the school gates, locked out, watching their children change.
September Reception: Curious, excited, bouncing to go in.
Year 2: Starting to complain. "I don't want to go today."
Year 4: Resistant. "School is boring. We never do anything fun."
Year 6: Defeated. "I hate writing. I'm rubbish at school."
Parents watch this transformation and think:
"My child was fine. School did this. What's happening in there?"
They try to help. They offer to volunteer. They suggest alternatives.
And they're told to stay behind the gates.
The Safeguarding Excuse
Schools have weaponised safeguarding to exclude parents.
Parent: "I'd like to help with reading like parents did when I was at school."
School: "We have safeguarding policies now. All volunteers need DBS checks and training."
Translation: We don't trust you. Stay outside.
Parent: "Can I see what's happening in the classroom? My child says they hate writing."
School: "We can't have parents observing lessons. It disrupts learning."
Translation: We don't want you to see what we're doing.
Parent: "I work in software and could help with the coding club."
School: "Thank you, but we have specific protocols for external visitors."
Translation: Your expertise doesn't matter here. We're the experts.
Child protection is being used as an excuse to exclude parents from their children's education.
Parents used to be IN schools. Reading with children. Helping with art projects. Supporting trips. Building community.
Now they're locked outside the gates, blamed for problems they can't see and aren't allowed to help solve.
The "Home Environment" Scapegoat
When teachers talk about "home environment," here's what they often mean:
What they say: "The home environment doesn't support learning."
What they mean:
- "Parents work full-time and don't have energy for homework battles"
- "Single parents are struggling to survive"
- "Families don't have books because they can't afford them"
- "Parents are dealing with poverty, illness, housing instability"
But here's what they ignore:
Those same children are engaged and curious outside school.
They build complex Lego creations.
They create elaborate imaginary worlds.
They ask endless questions about dinosaurs, space, animals.
They learn entire video game systems.
They teach themselves skills from YouTube.
The "home environment" isn't stopping learning.
The school environment is stopping engagement.
But blaming parents is easier than examining what's happening inside the gates.
What Community Used to Look Like
A grandmother remembers her daughter's primary school in the 1990s:
"I went in twice a week to hear children read. I knew all the children in her class, not just my daughter. I knew what they were learning. I could help at home because I'd seen what they were doing."
"At Christmas, parents made costumes together in the school hall. We organised the summer fair. We came on trips. We were part of the school community."
"Now with my grandchildren? I'm locked outside the gates. I offer to help. They say they'll let me know. They never do."
"When my grandson says he hates school, the teacher tells my daughter it's because the home environment doesn't value education."
"I want to scream: We DO value education! You won't let us help!"
That's what's been lost.
Not just parent volunteers. Community.
The partnership between schools and families.
The village raising the child.
Schools closed the gates. Then blamed parents for being outside them.
The Expertise Dismissal
Parents work in fields schools desperately need:
Parent 1: Software engineer. Offers to help with coding club.
School: "We have a teacher doing that."
Reality: Teacher follows a script, doesn't code professionally.
Parent 2: Published author. Offers to run creative writing workshop.
School: "Our literacy coordinator handles creative writing."
Reality: Literacy coordinator uses templates that kill creativity.
Parent 3: Small business owner. Offers to talk about entrepreneurship.
School: "We have enterprise week covered."
Reality: Enterprise week is a worksheet about lemonade stands.
Parent 4: Psychologist. Offers insights on childhood anxiety.
School: "We have a pastoral team."
Reality: Pastoral team is overwhelmed with 300 children and no capacity.
Parents have expertise schools need.
Schools dismiss it with: "You don't understand modern pedagogy."
Translation: "Stay in your lane. We're the professionals."
Except their "professional" methods are disengaging children.
The Homework Battle Schools Create
Here's how schools set up parents to fail:
Monday: Child brings home worksheet about Ancient Egypt.
Tuesday: Child refuses to do it. "It's boring. We already did this at school."
Wednesday: Parent tries to help. Child melts down. "You're doing it wrong! That's not how Miss does it!"
Thursday: Parent gives up. Homework goes back incomplete.
Friday: Teacher sends note home: "Please ensure homework is completed. It's important for reinforcing learning."
Monday: Parent-teacher meeting. "Your child isn't completing homework. The home environment needs to be more supportive of learning."
The parent thinks: "You sent home boring work about a topic my child doesn't care about, then blamed me when they refused to do it."
But the parent doesn't say that. Because challenging school gets you labeled "difficult."
So parents absorb the blame.
And children watch their parents being blamed for problems the school created.
What Children Learn From This
When schools blame parents, children learn:
Lesson 1: Adults don't work together.
Parents and teachers should be partners. Instead, they're adversaries.
Children learn: Adults can't be trusted to collaborate.
Lesson 2: Your family isn't good enough.
Schools imply (sometimes explicitly state) that children's home environments are deficient.
Children learn: My family is the problem.
Lesson 3: Love isn't sufficient.
Parents who love their children deeply, who work multiple jobs to provide, who prioritise their children above everything, are told they're not doing enough.
Children learn: Even love can be inadequate.
Lesson 4: Systems are never wrong.
When children resist the school environment (the jail, as that Year 5 boy called it), they're told the problem is at home.
Children learn: Question yourself, never question authority.
Is that what we want to teach?
The Teacher's Defense
Before teachers flood the comments with defensiveness, let me say this:
I know you're exhausted.
I know you're doing your best in an impossible system.
I know you genuinely care about children.
But.
Caring isn't enough when the system is broken.
Good intentions don't excuse excluding parents from their children's education.
Working hard doesn't justify blaming families for problems created by school environments.
You're trapped in a system that pits you against parents.
Schools tell you parents aren't doing enough at home.
Parents tell each other schools aren't doing enough at school.
Everyone's blaming each other. Children are paying the price.
What StoryQuest™ Revealed About "Home Environment"
Here's what happened when we removed the school environment barriers:
465 children participated.
100% engagement.
When the school environment changed, "home environment" wasn't the problem anymore.
Children who wouldn't engage with templates and teacher-imposed topics wrote epics when given creative freedom.
Children whose "home environment doesn't support learning" couldn't wait to continue their stories.
Children from "families that don't prioritise education" begged to do it again tomorrow.
Tom Hirst, Head of English, Dixon's Manningham Primary:
"Even the kids who don't like writing didn't want to leave. They asked if we could do it again tomorrow. We've never seen this kind of engagement before."
Tom didn't blame home environments.
He changed the school environment.
And children who failed in the old environment thrived in the new one.
Claire Light's Realisation
"Pupils worked well with their scribe partners. The joy in the room was infectious. Taking away boundaries of grammatical perfection freed up creativity."
That's what happens when you stop blaming families and start fixing systems.
What Partnership Actually Looks Like
Partnership isn't:
- Sending homework and blaming parents when it's not done
- Holding parent meetings to list everything wrong
- Using "home environment" as scapegoat for school failures
- Keeping parents outside gates while blaming them for problems inside
Partnership is:
- Inviting parents to celebrations, not just complaints
- Asking parents what they see at home (curiosity, not blame)
- Valuing parents' expertise and observations
- Building solutions together, not pointing fingers
- Recognising that parents and teachers both want children to thrive
StoryQuest™ builds partnership by:
- Publishing every child (parents celebrate, not just "good" students' parents)
- Book launches community events (everyone invited, everyone valued)
- No homework battles (creation happens in school, sharing happens at home)
- No blame language (children's voices matter, full stop)
- Parents see results (their child engaged, creating, proud)
When children thrive, blame disappears.
Because there's nothing to blame anyone for.
The Prison Environment Children Name
Back to that Year 5 girl who said school is like a jail.
"In StoryQuest, I choose my story. I work with my friend. No one corrects me while I'm creating. I get published no matter what. I feel like I matter."
"In normal school, you choose the topic. I work alone. You correct me while I'm creating. Only the best work gets displayed. I feel like I'm being judged."
"That's the jail part. Being judged all the time. Not having choices. Being told what to do and when to do it and how to do it."
"And then when I hate it, you tell my mum it's her fault."
That child understood exactly what was happening.
The prison environment wasn't at home.
It was at school.
But schools blamed parents anyway.
What Needs to Change
Schools need to:
Stop blaming parents for systemic problems.
When children disengage from writing, that's not parents failing. That's the school environment failing.
Open the gates.
Invite parents back in. Not just for problem meetings. For celebrations, for volunteering, for partnership.
Value parents' expertise.
They know their children. They have professional skills. They see what you don't see.
Examine the environment you've created.
If a Year 5 child says school is like a jail, listen. Don't blame his parents.
Build partnership, not blame.
Parents and teachers should be allies. Children need to see adults working together.
Admit when you're wrong.
When children thrive after environment changes, acknowledge it wasn't "home environment" after all.
The Question Every Teacher Must Answer
When a child disengages, what's your first thought?
Be honest.
Is it: "What's happening at home that's causing this?"
Or is it: "What's happening in my classroom that's causing this?"
If your first instinct is to blame parents, you're part of the problem.
Not because you're a bad teacher. Because you've been taught to look outside the gates for explanations instead of inside them.
465 children proved it's not the home environment.
It's the school environment.
Tom Hirst proved it. Claire Light proved it. Nine schools proved it.
When you change the school environment, children who "home environment doesn't support learning" suddenly thrive.
Stop blaming parents. Start fixing systems.
To the Parents Reading This
You're not wrong.
When your child was curious and excited before school and defeated by Year 6, that's not your fault.
When your child comes home saying "school is like a jail," that's not your parenting.
When teachers blame "home environment" for your child's disengagement, that's not accurate.
Your child is the same child who:
- Builds complex Lego creations for hours
- Creates elaborate imaginary worlds
- Asks endless questions about topics they care about
- Teaches themselves skills from YouTube
- Engages deeply when they have autonomy and choice
That child isn't broken. That child is responding rationally to an environment that doesn't honour them.
You're not failing. The system is failing.
And you're locked outside the gates, powerless to help, absorbing blame for problems you can't see and didn't create.
That's not right.
To the Teachers Reading This
I know this stings.
I know you care. I know you're exhausted. I know you're doing your best.
But your best isn't enough when the system is broken.
Stop blaming parents. They're not the problem.
Stop using "home environment" as scapegoat. The school environment is the issue.
Stop keeping parents outside the gates. Open them. Build partnership.
Tom Hirst had the courage to examine his classroom instead of blaming homes.
Claire Light had the courage to change her environment instead of pointing at families.
465 children engaged when the school environment changed, proving "home environment" was never the barrier.
You can make the same choice.
Examine your classroom. Question the system. Build partnership with parents.
Children are waiting.
The Partnership That Could Be
Imagine if schools and families worked together:
Parent: "My child loves dinosaurs but hates the writing topics at school."
Teacher: "What if we let him write about dinosaurs?"
Parent: "That's allowed?"
Teacher: "It is now. Complete creative freedom. His choice."
Parent: "He'd love that. Can I help?"
Teacher: "Yes. Come to the book launch. Celebrate his dinosaur epic."
Parent and teacher: Partners. Allies. United in supporting the child.
Child: Thriving. Because the adults in his life aren't blaming each other, they're celebrating him.
That's what's possible.
When schools stop blaming parents and start building partnership.
When teachers examine environments instead of pointing at homes.
When families are invited inside the gates, not kept outside them.
StoryQuest™ proved it works.
465 children. 100% engagement. Zero "home environment" excuses needed.
Because when the school environment honours children, home environment stops being blamed.
Two Ways Forward:
Option 1: See What Happens When Partnership Replaces Blame
Download the 2-page Bradford Proof showing how 9 schools achieved 100% engagement when they stopped blaming families and started fixing school environments.
Option 2: Discuss Building Partnership in Your School
Ready to explore how to shift from blame culture to partnership culture?
We'll discuss your specific context and how StoryQuest creates partnership between schools and families.
Schools blame parents.
Parents are locked outside gates.
Children call school a jail.
465 children proved it's not the home environment.
It's the school environment.
What will you change?
Kate Markland
Former Physiotherapist | Founder, StoryQuest™
